


Better Late

by super3000



Category: Protector of the Small - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Kel or bust, F/F, Giving each other the sex talk, Hurt/Comfort, I know I just complimented myself but they're really friggin cute so I'm ok with it, I spelled Tobe and Tobies wrong I'm so sorry, I'm making up Raka culture right and left, Kel is handling these developments pretty well, Kissing, M/M, Racism, Rista the half Raka army captain, Schmoop, Sexism, Slight sexual identity crisis, Slow Build, badass ladies who can more than handle the aforementioned isms, because it's scary to learn something new about yourself, bisexual discovery, conveniently healing because magic, cuteness, fears of homophobia, learning to masturbate, scars are cool duh, so far - Freeform, teenagers in like, when you didn't think you had anything to learn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 22:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2000832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/super3000/pseuds/super3000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kel has never been the most aware when it comes to who she likes, and now a new captain is making her realize she might have missed a rather large element of herself. Kel has always known that some women prefer to lie with women, but can that apply to her if she didn't know about it for twenty-three years?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rista

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is unbeta'd and a WIP that I'm working on for Tamora Pierce femslash week (http://tamorapiercefemslash.tumblr dot com/). I've always loved Kel and wanted to write something with her, but her love/like for Neal/Cleon/Dom feels very genuine to me. And then I realized that sweet, determined, abso-friggin-lutely clueless about love Kel could very easily follow a similar timeline to discovering her bisexuality as I did. And thus a fic was born. =)

Four years after the fall of the Nothing Man (which might be too grand a description for her killing of Blaise), Kelandry of Mindelan looked down on the bustling town of New Hope from her spot on the ramparts. New soldiers kept trying to respectfully steer her to more dignified jobs and shifts, but by now she had trained her people well enough that she didn’t even have to explain for herself. It was beautifully efficient.

New Hope was still going strong—growing, even—despite the official end of the war. First the Scanrans had dissolved into less effective but still quite dangerous kin groups that desperately scavenged across the border as they liked. Then came nearly a year of rain, even more desperate raiding, and a spate of minor earthquakes that damaged many structures and put refuge resettlement even lower on the local lords’ to-do lists.

Kel was mad on principle, but she liked he post and her people. Honestly, she worried about how they would be treated when she someday was reassigned.

But that was a worry for another day. For now, she had a watch to turn over to the next shift and some new guards to get to know. 

“Good morning, Milady Mother!” called Halden, a civilian guard Tobe clearly spent far too much time with. Halden was a few years older, but he and Tobe were well matched in spear fighting and her boy had always been a little old man in ways. It did him good to have friends of all ages.

“How is the porridge, Halden?” Kel asked, pretending not to see the look Captain Rista Bantowen gave them. Newcomers were usually confused by the command dynamic of New Hope.

“Disgusting, Boss,” Halden said mournfully, “just disgusting as always.” 

Kel laughed. “You don’t have to eat it,” she reminded him.

“But if I don’t, Gretta the cook pouts. I’m not strong enough to withstand it, Lady!” Halden had the melodrama of a Player, and Kel did all she could to keep him from Neal for the sake of everyone’s sanity.

Kel turned over her spyglass to Halden’s superior, stretched (the Lioness was right about a body getting stiffer no matter how well it healed, and Kel was only twenty-three!), and made her way down the stairs. Some members of the watch headed toward their barracks, some to weapons training, and some to breakfast. Kel found herself walking apace with Captain Rista, an officer in one of the Army’s new integrated units who looked to be part Copper Islander.

“The porridge is good, really,” Kel informed the captain as they approached the mess hall. 

“Perhaps they give you special,” Captain Bantowen replied quietly. Kel opened her mouth to defend the cooks, then realized that the woman was joking.

“Well, I am very important,” Kel said as grandly as she could muster before a true meal or cup of tea. The captain nodded demurely and smiled straight ahead. “And I imagine that most things taste better off gold plates.”

Rista snorted, “I wouldn’t know.” 

“Apologies, Captain Bantowen,” Kel said gravely, “I sometimes forget the trials of the common person.” Rista snorted again.

“I’ll forgive you if you stop calling me Captain Bantowen,” she countered. “Captain Bantowen is my mother. And my brother. And five of my cousins. I have a lot of family back on the Islands,” Rista explained.

“Captain Rista, then?” Kel teased.

“Rista, I beg of you, Lady,” she countered. Kel didn’t usually let anyone but Tobe and his pack of friends call her Lady, but from Rista it sounded like respect and a nickname all at once. It was nice.

The mess hall was crowded as always. Kel made her way through citizens and guards, most of whom had a nod, greeting, or concerns to share with her. Eventually she reached a mostly empty table and sat.

“I hope your boy Halden hasn’t gotten his heart too set on Gretta,” Kel heard. Rista sat down next to her, tray laden with slices of ham, a bowl of berries, and a large helping of porridge. “She’s free with her smiles, and not just with the men.” The captain set about cutting her ham. Kel smiled and passed her a cup of juice.

Gretta was still serving, chatting with Bren the dish washer. Kel looked back to Rista and confided: “Gretta makes those she thinks need feeding up something of a project.”

“Does everyone in New Hope have a project of one sort or another?”

Kel thought for a moment. “Well, the northern winters are long. It keeps us entertained.”

Rista laughed. “Beg pardon, milady, but I don’t recall you having any trouble keeping busy,” she said. Kel tilted her head in question. “I used to be a Rider. We saw you joust rather a lot during the Progress,” Rista explained. 

“Why did you leave the Riders?” Kel asked. She knew Rista’s service history, of course, but the whys were often the most interesting part with people.

Rista smiled and reached for the sugar. “I loved the Riders, but they didn’t need me to break any ground there. Getting regular army boys to respect a woman, though? That’s a challenge,” she said while stirring three spoonfuls of sugar and most of her berries into her porridge.

Kel whistled. “That certainly won’t be an easy job.” The men of New Hope knew how to respect a woman in command—they wouldn’t last long if they didn’t—but the same could not be said for most of the military. 

“It’s a change from the Rider’s, Mithros knows,” Rista said dryly. “I could have entered as a lieutenant, but I figured I was going to have to prove myself from the bottom up so I might as well just do it.”

Kel nodded. “But you made it to captain in less than a year. I’ve heard some very good things,” Kel said, looking up in time to catch Rista’s proud smile.

Rista tucked a long strand of hair that had escaped her ponytail back behind her ear She nodded, “My men are good fighters. They didn’t all love the idea of a woman in the unit, or of me getting promoted above them younger and sooner, but they respect me now. I got them ready for a “mixed workplace” for you, Lady,” joked Rista.

“Well, I am very glad to have you,” Kel said genuinely. “And anything that saves me time is more than welcome!”

Both women laughed and tucked into their breakfasts. Later, Kel would get to know the other new captains and their soldiers. For now, though, she could relax and eat with Rista. Kel liked the way Rista smiled—it made her belly warm to laugh with her as they traded anecdotes.


	2. Poetry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kel tries a little self exploration--literally. She still doesn't get that she likes girls. Oh, Kel.

Rista soon became a fast friend, one of the first female warrior friends of her own age that Kel had ever made. She got on well with Neal, mostly—he hated that she was talented at chess but had almost no interest in the game. She forged a friendship with Yuki, Neal’s wife and the camp’s civilian quartermaster. It was nice, and it was even nicer that Kel still seemed to be Rista’s favorite. Kel had grown up enough to accept that bit of pettiness as a perfectly fine character flaw, provided she didn’t let it grow too strong.

Sex was never something Kel discussed with her friends, in large part because her friends from the time she was ten were mostly noble boys who all walked an awkward line between seeing her as sexless and trying to respect her delicate honor or some such nonsense. Owen mentioned her breasts once before the boys were even old enough to shave, they all teased each other about crushes, and there were more than a few comments about Neal and Yuki’s new private quarters, but there was a world of difference between that sort of innuendo and the frank talk that apparently went on between women. 

After their morning glaive sessions Yuki, Kel, Rista, and a few other female soldiers who were learning the weapon took over the officers’ bathing area in the small headquarters building, and the talk was an education for Kel. Things had never gotten particularly far with Cleon—if only because there was never an opportunity—and she and Dom didn’t get beyond some very enthusiastic kissing before he accepted a promotion to be second-in-command of First Company of the King’s Own. (He couldn’t turn down the opportunity, nor could he make any promises about the future or get much of any time to see her, so they had parted as friends.) 

But it would appear that all of those kisses, much as they affected Kel, barely scratched the surface of what people could get up to with each other. Kel knew that, but she hadn’t had any clue about how much there was. Those bathhouse conversations proved to be highly educational. Yuki, of course, was married and several of the army women had taken lovers in the past or at New Hope. They liked to see who could make the lady knight blush with talk of sex positions, types of foreplay, and masturbation.

“Have you truly never touched yourself, Lady?” Rista asked quietly. Kel appreciated that about Rista—she was not easily embarrassed, but she was careful not to discomfit those around her. She would never force Kel into a public discussions that she thought Kel would truly object to or be hurt by.

“No,” Kel said, softly enough to keep the conversation private. She wasn’t ashamed, but she felt more comfortable talking about this with Rista than she would with some of the others. “I didn’t realize that most people did,” she trailed off.

“Ah,” Rista said knowingly, “The good page and squire was too busy doing press-ups and taming wild geldings to explore the non-useful parts of her body or read any naughty literature.”

Kel grinned at her. “You know me too well,” she said as she stood and wrapped herself in a towel. “Were you the same?”

“Oh no, Lady. I had a friend at school who taught me an awful lot about the uses fingers and mouth can be put to,” Rista grinned and stood as well.

Rista was beautiful. Her body was leaner than Kel’s but nearly as muscled and her breasts, when not bound up for combat readiness, were large and quite nicely formed. Kel averted her eyes as was polite, handing Rista a towel. “Sounds like a good friend,” Kel replied awkwardly.

Rista tied the towel around herself and rubbed a second towel through her long, dark hair. “She most definitely was,” Rista said without making eye contact. Kel was glad for the chance to master her surprise. She had no problem with Rista preferring other women, but it was so rarely talked about in Tortall. By the time Rista looked up, Kel was simply smiling with interest. Rista continued: “She also got me several interesting books. I’ll loan you one, Lady.”

Kel blushed. She couldn't think of a response to that, so she busied herself with doing up he laces of her breaches and pretended she didn't know that Rista was smothering a laugh.

:~:~:

Rista did loan Kel a book. It was full of love poetry from the Copper Isles. Kel wasn't familiar enough with Raka names to know if the writer was a man or a woman, but either way the descriptions of how the writer touched and desired their female lover made Kel very glad she had long since convinced Tobe to move to his own small quarters. She hadn't felt such interest since her kisses with Dom and the long-ago fumblings with Cleon.

Now, without a lover to kiss or a fear of discovery, Kel carefully cupped a hand over one breast. She squeezed a bit, then rubbed her hand up and down. She glanced quickly at her closed bedroom door and pushed her hand up under the shirt to rub tentatively over her nipple. The feeling of it surprised Kel so much she made a small sound, which made her pull her hand out and sit up in alarm. No one knocked on the door or asked if she was alright--it had been a very small sound.

Kel was surprised. She had never touched herself like this, but in the process of dressing and washing she had touched her own breasts over the years. It had never felt like that. Cleon's hands on her breasts had been a wonder but they had never gotten below her shirt and breastband. It made a remarkable difference.

The next time they met for glaive practice, Kel thanked Rista for the book and tried to return it to her. Rista shook her head.

"Keep it, Lady. Poetry gets better the more you read it," Rista said with that smile, the one that always made Kel feel like smiling in return. "Besides, running this place is surely stressful. You could do with a nice way to relax." Kel blushed and took the book. For some reason, Rista was better able to make Kel blush than any of the male soldiers she'd known.


	3. Tobe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, no Rista in this one. But Tobe and Halden get to be adorable and awkward, so that's good.

Between bathhouse conversations, the poetry, and her own private explorations, it felt like sex was everywhere in Kel's personal time. And then she walked in on Tobe and Halden kissing in their undershirts.

It was an accident—Kel was reading a report as she walked to Tobe's room to ask the boy if he wanted to join her for a game of chess and she completely forgot to knock. Halden was sitting on Tobe's bed with Tobe not-quite-sitting above his lap. They were kissing and Tobe's hands were moving over Halden's arms and shoulders. At the sound of the door, both whipped their heads toward the door, faces quickly turning to shock and alarm. "Lady!" Tobe yelled in surprise, jumping to his feet.

Halden stood too, putting himself between Tobe and Kel. "I'm sorry, Lady Knight!" he cried, clearly afraid of her. "It wasn't him, it was my fault! Don't blame Tobe, he didn't mean to. I'm the one you should, should—" 

Tobe cut the older boy off his a hand over his mouth. "Stop that. I won't let you get in trouble for something we both wanted," he said. Kel's boy had always been brave.

She sighed in exasperation. "Honestly, am I that much of a monster?" Kel asked. Both boys looked at her blankly. "Neither of you is in trouble. I'm sorry I startled you. I didn't mean to intrude. I really should have knocked."

Tobe smiled uncertainly at her, but Halden still looked confused and terrified. "Halden?" Kel said gently, "Are you ok, lad?" She took a step forward to put a hand on his arm and the boy flinched, throwing out his arms to better protect Tobe. "Oh, Halden," Kel said, trying to keep the pity from her face. She stepped back and took a seat on the chair next to Tobe's door so she wouldn't crowd the boy or seem to be blocking the exit.

"Halden, I swear by the gods not to punish you or Tobe, nor will I lay a hand on either of you in violence because of this," Kel vowed solemnly. Tobe looked reassured, and he threaded the fingers of one hand through one of Halden's. The older boy simply looked poleaxed. 

"You don't think it's an affront to the gods?" he asked quietly. Kel shook her head calmly. "You won't kick Tobe out or send me away or hurt him?" Halden sounded like he desperately wanted to believe her, but didn't.

"No, Halden, I won't do any of those things," Kel promised him. "I will make Tobe sit down and have a very awkward conversation about sex and relationships with me, as it seems the one we had when he was eleven may have been focused on the wrong matters." Tobe blushed—neither of them had enjoyed that conversation one bit. Kel grimaced at him and continued, "And since I'm starting to think your family would not be welcoming of such, you and I will have the same conversation, Halden."

"But—you..." Halden trailed off helplessly.

"Your parents or your priest or whoever told you that this was unnatural? They were the wrong ones," Kel told both boys, looking from one to the other. "You should be careful, because not everyone agrees with me, but as far as I'm concerned there is nothing wrong with you boys having feelings for each other as long as you're safe and your happy. I'll leave now. You have until the half hour to say goodnight, then I want Tobe to come talk to me in my quarters. Halden, we'll bring breakfast back here after the watch shift tomorrow morning, alright?" Both boys nodded, though Halden didn't look entirely reassured. 

Kel stood, clasped Tobe's free hand in her own for a moment, and left. As she closed the door, she could hear Tobe murmuring reassurances to Halden.

:~:~:

Tobe knocked on her chamber door and entered ten minutes late.

"Sorry, Lady," he said, rubbing at his nose like he did when embarrassed. "Halden got scared again that you was going to beat me, I told him you'd never! But his folks was mean and he knows you ain't, but he still got scared for me." No matter how good Tobe's speech had gotten, he still reverted a bit when very tired or emotional. Kel supposed he was both at the moment.

"It's fine," she assured the boy. "I understand. I'm sorry Halden has had bad experiences." She paused for a moment before forging on ahead: "I'm glad he cares for you, though I do worry that he's a little old."

Tobe started laughing. "Lady Kel, you're still as crazy as the day you took me from ole Alvik!" he wheezed eventually. "Come in to find me kissing a boy and your only thought is that I'm fourteen and he's sixteen and do we both need the sex talk again. Honest, I wonder what's wrong with your head."

"Of course I worry," Kel said as she rolled her eyes. "I don't care how old you get, you'll still be a boy to me forever. It's my right to make sure your lovers are good enough."

"Lady!" Tobe yelped. "He's not my lover. He's my friend...my friend who I...like a lot." Kel chuckled and got up to pour them each a cup of tea.

"I understand why Halden wouldn't tell me, but why wouldn't you talk to me about it if you thought you liked men, Tobe?" Kel asked as she handed Tobe his tea.

"You don't talk about the way you moon over Rista!" Tobe retorted, then clapped a hand over his mouth.

Kel blinked at him in surprise. "What?"

"I'm sorry, Milady," Tobe said quickly, "I didn't mean to say nuthin’. I won't tell."

"Tobe, I don't know what you're talking about," Kel insisted. Because she didn't. Rista was a friend, an important friend, but certainly not what Tobe was implying. Besides, the boy knew that Kel liked men—he'd walked in on her and Dom once. It had been a slightly traumatic experience for all involved. “You know I like men, Tobe,” Kel said because it was true.

Tobe shrugged his shoulders. “Aye. But you like Captain Rista too.’

Kel sat down heavily. “Why do you think that?” she asked.

“You smile more when she’s around,” Tobe said, looking into his tea, “And just act…moony. I don’t know how else to say it. I’m not the one who’s been reading dirty poetry!”

Kel’s face flushed so fast she was surprised she didn’t get dizzy from lack of blood in the rest of her body. “I—no one was supposed to see that! I mean—it’s art, and sex is nothing to be ashamed of,” she stuttered eloquently.

Tobe snorted, “Don’t worry, Lady. I put it back as soon as I knew what it was about. Sex with ladies doesn’t really interest me, you know,” he said, eyes dancing.

“No, I suppose it wouldn’t,” Kel mused. “And, I mean, you’re not a woman, so—” she tried to explain without being too…clear. Tobe might be growing up, but he was still fourteen and her ward.

“Lady,” he said gently, “It’s ok if that’s not the only reason.” He set down his teacup, stood, kissed Kel on the top of the head (something he’d taken to doing every so often when he thought he could get away with it), and went to the door. “Be nice to Halden, please, Milady. He’s terrified you’re going to put his head on the wall on a stick or tell everyone or say I can’t see him. Please don’t do that.”

“I definitely won’t decapitate him or tell everyone,” Kel promised.

“Lady!” Tobe wailed.

“And I won’t ban him unless he does something to hurt you,” she finished. Tobe groaned and opened the door. “And don’t forget that we still have to have that talk!” Kel called after him. Tobe bowed and closed the door.

“Let me know when you’re ready for your own, Lady!” Tobe said through the door and then walked away far too quickly for Kel to reply or catch him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, Kel will get to make out with Rista at some point.


	4. Neal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kel finally makes some realizations, gets a bit angsty about it, and bludgeons Neal with a pillow because he is a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry--Rista's not even in this one. What is happening to me, guys? Warning: Kel describes heterosexuality as normal and implies that she isn't. She's working some shit out and doesn't have the language to do it. No judgements or insult are intended.
> 
> Btw, I'm on tumblr with the same name if you want more of my ramblings in your life!

Tobeis Boon might know her very well, but he did not know everything. Kel folded her arms as she looked out over New Hope’s outlying fields, then unfolded them because she could feel Halden’s terror from three guards down. Soon she would have to talk to him as if she was a proper adult who had her own feelings about such matters under control. And he would believe her, so she had to do it right.

Kel had spent half the night tossing and turning and trying not to think of Rista, then trying to think of women (not Rista because that would be far too personal and not alright for a friend to do) and then men because if she was going to understand all of this matter she had to be sure. 

Rista had loaned Kel another book, one that was definitely written by a woman about another woman. Kel found it just as interesting as the other. When she touched herself, Kel began to imagine (vaguely, because no matter how much she read she had no practical understanding) another woman touching her or herself touching another woman. It was—satisfying. Very satisfying.

It was also worrying. Kel knew her parents and friends wouldn't care, and if the Conservatives hadn't gotten her thrown out for being a woman, they probably couldn't manage it for laying with women, but Kelandry of Mindelan was used to knowing her own mind. Except, perhaps in matters of the heart. She was, admittedly, a bit slow with those. Had she been lying to herself about her feelings for Cleon, Neal, and Dom? Is that why the feelings went away when she was no longer around them?

Kel tried thinking of touching men and of men touching her. This worked as well. She caught her breath thinking of how good kissing Dom had been. Maybe Tobe had been right. 

Long ago, she told Neal that in the Yamani Islands it was known and accepted that some men prefer other men and some women prefer other women. Lalasa seemed to prefer women—at least, Kel knew she had an interest in women and no interest in men. But Lalasa ha reasons to avoid men. Maybe she naturally had an interest in men and women. If some women could like men and some women could like women, surely some women could like men and women? 

Kel nodded her head decisively. She liked thinking about men and she liked thinking about women. Therefore, it was clearly possible. She would worry about what it meant and why she’d not noticed sooner later. Now she had a community to keep safe and a skittish young man to talk to.

:~:~:

The talk with Halden went about as well as could be expected. He’d stammered from fear, she’d babbled from awkwardness. She’d managed to make it known that some men made use of oils together but that they really ought to wait until everyone involved was at least two or three years older than they currently were and to be very slow and careful when using said oils no matter what. She’d also talked at length about being careful with each others’ hearts as well as bodies and secrets. Halden had been red as a strawberry by the time she let him leave, but he’d met her eye for a fraction of a second and muttered, “Thank you, Lady. For him and for me.”

After, Kel collapsed on her bed and tried very hard not to think any more. It was not effective.

“Why did young master Halden just leave looking capable of frying a full garrison’s worth of eggs on his face and why do you look like you’re trying to burrow to Carthak through your bedclothes?” Neal asked from her doorway.

Kel did not move, except to turn her head slightly and ask, “Why are you getting more annoying and wordy?”

Neal crossed the room and flopped onto her bed, one leg over her shins and an arm planted across her back. “The longer I remain a sword-wielding bruiser in occupation, the more my mind seeks to elevate itself out of the situation.”

“You’re head physician for a small city of people. You’d still be aspiring to this kind of post if you’d stayed at university,” Kel reminded him, just a bit meanly. He needed it sometimes. His life was too fulfilling and full of love and functional relationships.

Neal grinned—she could hear it in his voice—and asked, “In all seriousness, Kel, if the boy ok?”

“Yes,” she huffed, struggling out from under him to sit up. “If he didn’t drop dead of embarrassment while I gave him the sex talk, I doubt he will afterwards.” Neal blinked at her.

“Why in the name of all the gods were you giving that boy a sex talk?” Neal all but bellowed after a moment. “Just because we call you ‘Mother’ in fun doesn’t mean you have to take every half-grown orphan and sad storied-wanderer under your wings!” he continued. He was going to go on a rant if she let him.

Kel shrugged her shoulders. “Because he and Tobe are half in love and Halden has no one else to help make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone or get hurt,” she cut in.

Neal sat up and opened his mouth in shock, then shut it and looked a bit constipated. Neal was rarely speechless, but it was always humorous when he was. It made Kel wish she was an artist, because that face should be shared with the world. 

Kel gave him a moment. “Tobe’s—“

“Be careful what you say, Nealan,” Kel cautioned, her voice quiet but harder than she’d expected.

He gave her a withering look. “I was going to say ‘interested in men.’” Neal said gently. “I’m not entirely brutish. And you’d have beaten it out of me years ago if I was.” 

Kel pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “Sorry. I’m a bit…preoccupied,” she muttered.

“What, did it not go well?” asked Neal. “Is he bad news? I thought we liked Halden, but is he not being good to Tobe? I’ve made a variation on that one I did on whats-his-name the innkeeper. Order him back, I don’t need anything but contact and a minute to concentrate,” Neal promised darkly.

“No,” Kel said, “He’s sweet. And he’s terrified of me now. We need to look out for him, he’s convinced the gods are going to punish him for kissing a boy any day now.”

“So that’s what you’re worrying about? How to go about rehabilitating another damaged lad?” Neal asked, reclining against her wall.

Kel took a breath. Really, it would make more sense to talk to Yuki about this. She came from a culture that accepted women who loved women. And Rista would certainly know more than any of them about what Kel was feeling and thinking (or at least part of it—she seemed to only care for women, but then Kel seemed to only care for men). Kel wondered if she ought to think about it all more. But Neal was her best friend and her closest confidant. If she couldn’t talk to him, she couldn’t talk to anyone. She looked him in the eye and said, “No. I think I like women. And men. And I may have feelings for Rista. And I don’t know how I can be sure without doing something drastic.”

Neal spasmed like he wanted to sit up in shock but couldn’t, as he was already sitting up. “What?!” he sputtered. Kel shrugged at him. “Did you never think you preferred women before?”

“I don’t prefer women. I think. I have an interest in women and in men,” Kel told him instead of answering. 

“Noted. You didn’t know of your interest in women when we were younger?” Neal asked because he was relentless.

“No!” Kel barked at him. “I didn’t know! I liked boys, so I never even thought I might not be normal. I never realized if I liked any girls. I thought all girls noticed breasts every so often. I never even thought about it.” She flopped back on the bed.

Neal clasped her hand in his without making her look at him or move. He murmured, “Oh, Kel. You know no one who matters in your life will mind, don’t you?”

“Yes,” she said reluctantly. “But how can I ask people to accept a part of me that I don’t know about or understand myself?”

“Oh, Kel,” he said again and hauled her up by their held hands. “You don’t owe anyone a thing. Stop. We’ll figure it out.”

Kel let him hug her, even let herself rest her head against his shoulder for a moment. “I didn’t even know people could fancy men and women,” she grumbled.

“Did you never hear of Queen Gwenlydd of Mara, who took a series of female lovers after her impotent husband’s death, then took a male lover in her forties and lived together with him and their three children the rest of her life?” Neal asked. “Or the Carthaki priestess of the Goddess in the reign of King Roald? Or Sir Weald of Notting? Or read the poems of the musical Player Ballylen, who wrote of her many loves, both male and female?” 

Kel squirmed her way out of the hug before he could give her another thirty examples, complete with explanation and reference texts. “No,” she said. “I’ve never heard of a one of them.”

“Well, there’s very little sex or history in mathematics, I suppose,” Neal drawled in his most high university tone. Kel hit him with her pillow—there were no bread loaves around, but she’d spent years training to be resourceful in her weaponry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know things get a bit angsty, but this that's the only way I know how to do this realization. Real talk: it can be a bit of a shock to realize that you--a staunch ally who thought she knew herself--have this whole other side that you never explored. What else have you missed? What if you're wrong about this? You were apparently wrong before. Bisexual characters are so important to me right now because it honestly never occurred to me that I found myself looking at certain girls more in the same way I had crushes on boys. I had crushes on boys, so I never felt out of place or like I was trying to fit something I wasn't. Figuring this out was a 6 month drama for me, but Kel is a bit better at processing stuff, plus she has Tobe to call her out and Rista to motivate her, so this will be resolved soonish. Dammit, my warrior women will get it on, come hell or high water!


	5. Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rista is insulted by one of the soldiers and a lot of things escalate from there.

Kel did not avoid Rista. She didn’t skip glaive practice or rearrange the watch schedule. That would be unprofessional. And besides, she wanted to see the other woman. 

For one thing, Rista was a friend. They played card games—Rista taught her Raka games that could be played anywhere with few supplies. They involved elaborate cheating and slight-of-hand. Kel and Rista also both enjoyed teaching the children how to fight, and Rista had begun teaching classes on other useful skills like making snares, hiding one’s tracks, and cooking over a campfire. Kel hoped none of their students ever got the rebellious notion to run away. They might live for weeks in the forest with out being found or giving up.

More than friendship, though, now that Kel was aware of the flutters Rista gave her stomach, she couldn’t seem to stop seeking them out. 

When Kel went for a walk in the evening, she fixed her hair first, then went clockwise around the path so that she’d pass the army practice grounds first. When she dressed for a meeting she knew Rista would be at, she chose a tunic that Lalasa said made her eyes stand out. When Kel and some of the officers sat around a fire on a chilly night, she let herself enjoy the press of Rista’s side against her own.

For about a week, Neal and Tobe let her get away with stealing those little moments and not talking about anything else with either of them. Well, she talked to them, of course. There were reports to deal with and meals to eat and a camp to keep floating. 

Ultimately, it was Kel who changed things. She didn’t intend to. If asked, she would have predicted that she’d most likely continue worrying privately and having awkward conversations with friends until Rista was eventually promoted too high to stay at the camp, or until Kel retired from old age. 

Before that could happen, Rista came to Kel’s quarters to borrow a bit of bruise balm. 

Kel was sitting at her desk, writing a letter Raoul and Buri when Rista knocked on the open door and poked her head in. “Working on anything top secret, Lady?” the captain asked.

Kel chuckled as she put her quill down. “Not unless you think teasing about an old joke is—Rista! What happened to your face?” Kel interrupted herself at the sight of Rista’s face. A large bruise spread across one cheekbone, bisected by a vicious looking cut. Kel was no wilting flower when it came to the effects of violence, but there had been no skirmishes today, nor any accidents of note. There was no good reason for Rista’s face to look like that.

Rista stepped inside, shut the door, and leaned herself stiffly against it. She shrugged. “It’s dangerous to be a ‘jumped up mixed blood slut’ some days. Course, it’s even more dangerous to say things of that sort,” Rista said with a dark smile. “I’m going to need a new soldier, by the way. One of mine has proven himself to be unfit for service.”

Kel stood and very carefully tilted Rista’s head into the light. “Tell me he’s in the stocks,” she said as carefully as she could, because if she wasn’t careful she was going to punch something.

Rista nodded. Kel took a shaky breath. “Write me the report in the morning. I’ll take it and him with me next week when I go to the Fort. He can stay in the stocks til then. Why aren’t you with a healer? I’ll get Neal, he won’t be asleep yet.” Kel rambled.

Rista wrapped a hand around Kel’s wrist—Kel realized that her hand was still on Rista’s face—and insisted, “Not right now, Lady. I’m tired and I’m pissed and I want to just…ignore it for a little while. Please?”

“Fine,” Kel allowed. “But you’d better see him in the morning. That’ll scar if you don’t, if it doesn’t get infected and rot half your face off.”

“Yes, ma’am” Rista said with half a salute. “But don’t you think I’d look dashing with a scar?”

Kel realized that her thumb was rubbing back and forth just under the edge of Rista’s bruise. “I already think you look dashing,” she said before she could over think it and stop herself.

“Do you?” Rista asked. She sounded a little breathless in a way Kel had never heard, even in their most intense glaive practices.

Kel nodded and took a half a step closer to Rista, who tilted her head up a bit. “Well, isn’t that something,” Rista murmured. Her tongue slipped out to wet her bottom lip.

Kel swallowed. She stepped just a bit more forward and bent her head down to kiss Rista. 

Rista’s lips pulled up into a smile and one hand came up to Kel’s waist. Two big knots in Kel’s stomach gave way to more of the delicious flutters Rista gave her—Rista was kissing her back, and it was good. It was no harder than kissing a man, and just as exciting. Rista pulled her body upright and her breasts pressed against Kel’s and it was confusing and as good as it was awkward and by the time they pulled apart Kel was breathing heavily.

Rista collapsed back against the door, keeping her hand on Kel’s waist. Kel opened her eyes and looked shyly at Rista.

“Well,” Rista said, “That’s not how I expected this visit to go.”

“I hope it was a pleasant surprise,” Kel heard herself say. Gods, would she ever stop sounding witless in these situations?

Rista threw back her head and laughed. Kel started giggling too, then laughing so hard she couldn’t make a sound. She dropped her head onto Rista’s shoulder and laughed until her stomach hurt. Rista wound both arms around Kel and laughed with her.

“So, I guess you liked that second book of poetry?” Rista asked eventually.

Kel nodded without lifting her head. “It was very informative…prompted a couple of realizations,” she said, only a little muffled by Rista’s uniform shirt.

Rista hummed. “You didn’t know before?” she asked gently.

“No,” Kel said. “I liked men, I knew I did, and—I had no notion you could like men and women.”

Rista smiled, then winced when it pulled at the cut on her cheek. “Just always have to be special, don’t you, Lady?” she teased.

“You know me,” Kel played along. “Come, let me do something about that bruise.”

“I’m much happier now,” Rista said, “But I definitely don’t want to go see Sir Neal.”

Kel smiled and crossed the room to retrieve her bruise balm. Alanna’s gift had finally run out last year, but Neal had learned to make it during his years as the Champion’s squire and had a fine supply laid in.

“I’m not sending you away,” she promised. She sat down on the bed and patted the spot next to her. Rista hesitated a moment and then same to sit. Kel scooped out a dab of the balm and spread it carefully against Rista’s cheek, trying not to press too hard. “If you wanted to, I’d have you stay all night.”

Rista met her eye, expression more fragile than Kel had ever seen it. “Really?”

“Yes—I mean, not for—just to sleep!” Kel blurted. “I’m not, well…we’ve only just…”

Rista smiled again and her cheek was already less swollen and tender. “I know what you meant, Kel.”

“Good,” Kel said, “That’s good.” Her hand was still on Rista’s face, even though she was done applying the bruise balm. This was becoming something of a habit. Rista didn’t seem to mind.


	6. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rista and Kel's morning cuteness is interrupted by an overlooked injury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liiiiiiiiiiive! Sorry it's been so long, y'all! Life has been full of good things that keep me very busy. But I was missing the cuteness of these jerks, so I have finally updated. More to come, though I can't make any promises about how soon it'll be.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Kel was an early riser. Kel was the earliest riser she knew, and yet when she woke up the next morning Rista was awake and trying to ease herself out of bed silently. “I didn’t think you were the type to lay with a girl and leave her,” Kel murmured without opening her eyes.

“There was no laying, except in the most literal sense,” Rista said, flopping back into the bed. One of her arms fell across Kel’s torso. “And there you go ruining my attempts to be romantic. I was going to bring you tea or a flower or something. Mayhap even both.”

Kel turned onto her side to look at Rista. The other woman had ridiculous bedhead. It was unbearably cute. Rista levered herself out of bed and caught her breath quick and sharp, the way Kel was used to doing when she was hurt and didn’t want to admit it to herself or anyone else.

“Rista?” Kel asked, sitting up. “What is it?”

“Nothing, maret,” Rista said. Kel recognized the term of endearment from one of the poems, though she didn’t know the meaning.

“And when that nothing makes you hesitate for a moment whilst a raiding party overwhelms us or distracts you enough for a villager in sword training to land a serious blow, will I be comforted by knowing that it was just nothing?” Kel wriggled out of the bed and stood in front of Rista.

Rista snorted and began rolling up the leg of her breeches. “There’s a reason they all call you ‘Mother.’ You do know that, right?” she asked.

“Yes. I’m very observant that way,” Kel said impatiently. Rista gingerly pushed her breeches above her knee and Kel gasped outright.

Rista’s knee was swollen and turning colors. The loose breeches were pressing into it where Rista had rolled them. Rista looked shocked and a bit green. She looked at Kel with wide eyes and said, “I didn’t think it was this bad.”

“Goddess, I would hope not!” Kel all but yelled. “How did you even walk here?”

“It didn’t hurt—much—last night!”

“I have to get Neal,” Kel said from within the confines of her shift. It felt a bit odd to undress in front of someone she’d only kissed, but Rista had seen her naked in the baths and there were rather more pressing matters to attend to.

“Can’t you just put some of you bruise stuff on it?” Rista asked.

“Can’t I—are you smoking dreamrose?” Kel sputtered as she pulled on a shirt. “Joints are far too finicky and important and you are mocking me.” Rista chuckled. Kel made a face at her and hopped a bit as she pulled on her breeches. Rista’s eyes tracked the motion.

Kel felt her face heat. “Stop looking at me like that while I’m worrying!” she admonished.

“But then I’d almost never get to look at you like this,” Rista complained, “and I like looking at you like this, so long as you like it.”

Kel stopped by the door, turned around, and kissed Rista. “Yes, I like it. Now shush and keep your leg still.”

Kel tried sticking her head out the door and hissing for Tobe, but the boy didn’t answer. He’d become a very solid sleeper in the past few years. Most of the time Kel was very pleased that he was a normal teenage boy who felt safe in his home, but it was horribly inconvenient for her now. She ended up trying her best not to tiptoe like a five-year-old who thinks she’s sneaky down the hall and up a flight of stairs to drag Neal out of his bed as quickly and quietly as possible. 

Because it was Neal, it ended up being neither quick nor quiet. Ultimately, Yuki shoved him out of bed and Kel was able to pull him to the door as Yuki rolled over and pulled the blanket over her head, muttering in Yamani about stupid warriors and their disgusting early morning habits.

“Some people don’t like to rise with the sun, Mindelan,” Neal complained. “And some of us have much more pleasant morning activities we like to indulge in—“ he cut himself off with a yawn.

“Stop trying to gross me out,” Kel ordered him in her best command tone. It almost never worked on him.

Neal smothered another yawn. “Seriously, Kel, why am I awake?”

“I need you to do your job,” Kel retorted. “And please don’t…say anything.”

“You should rather ask that Peachblossom not be cross or that the rivers not flow,” her very annoying friend declared. Neal sometimes talked to keep himself awake. Kel rolled her eyes and shoved him into her room, shutting the door firmly behind them. “Kel, what are we doing in your room? Are you alright?” Neal hadn’t turned to face the room yet. Kel jerked her head toward the bed.

“She’s better than alright. But I might need a glimmer or two,” Rista said, making a gesture to suggest the magical fire of the Gift.

Her knee had swollen a bit more, making the spot where her breaches pressed in look even more painful. The bruise on her face was colorful, though much less painful looking than it would have been naturally.

“What in the name of all the gods happened to you?” Neal burst out angrily, “And why aren’t you in my infirmary? I don’t keep it just to have a place for my quills!” As he spoke, he gently prodded the wound with his fingers and his gift. Rista gritted her teeth. “Kel, get me a dagger, I need to see the rest. I can’t heal if I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Kel retrieved her dagger from yesterday’s belt. “Cut them away to halfway up the thigh,” Neal instructed. Kel carefully slit Rista’s breeches, wincing when she felt Rista shy away. She rubbed her thumb carefully across Rista’s leg where it was still covered. Neal regarded her carefully, then turned all of his focus to Rista’s knee.

There was a grating sound and Rista cursed in a fascinating mix of languages, and then the swelling was receding.

Neal sat back on his heels, breathing deep and slow for a moment. He brushed the hair out of his eyes and lifted a hand to Rista’s face. “Well, imagine what this would have looked like without my Balm,” he murmured. 

“Leave the cut, if you would,” Rista asked while poking at her knee. Neal rolled his eyes. “The Raka earn their scars, Sir Neal. And we keep what we earn.”

“Gods save me from overly noble warriors and their love of scars,” Neal grumbled. “Fine. I’ll clean it, heal the hairline fracture in the bone, and reduce the swelling—which is pittance compared to the swelling around your dislocated kneecap and the severely bruised tendons that had your knee ballooning—but leave the scar. May I close it so that it stay not infected?”

Without waiting for a reply, Neal finished with Rista’s face and rose to pace about the small room. “Now, care to tell me what happened?”

“There’s an ex-soldier in the stocks that needs seeing to,” Kel replied. “No need to make him too comfortable.”

Neal gritted his teeth. For a moment his eyes were hard and Kel saw why some of the villagers feared him. Then it was gone, and he was her goofy friend again. He’d grown out of some of the posturing of his youth, but not the humor. Kel was glad of that. Wickedly, Neal said, “I should have known it would take a battle to get you to make a move, Lady Knight.”

Before she could react, he had crossed the room and put the door between them. With just his head poking into the room, he winked at Rista. “Eat, sleep, and stay off that leg for a few hours. No running or hard use for two days. Sorry, Kel, but you’ll have to keep things slow for a bit longer! Congratulations!”

He shut the door and she could hear him running down the hall. 

“I’m going to run him through with a lance,” Kel grumbled. “If I do it right, he’ll survive enough to heal himself with a bit of help. That way he’ll live and really suffer with it.”

Rista laughed, yawned twice, and laughed a bit more. “Lady, I humbly request the day off. Healer’s orders.”

Kel began to giggle and had to stuff her face into a pillow to stop herself before she became hysterical. “You’re never allowed to get hurt again. I don’t like it and I have a reputation to uphold.”

Rista nodded a seriously as one could while falling asleep.

“Hey,” Kel said. “No. Stop it. Be awake. Lady Knight’s orders. You’re supposed to eat first.” Rista made agreeable noises into the pillow without moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we've officially hit schmoopy territory.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little angst, some very uncool insults, and some inappropriate laughter.
> 
> One or two more chapters and we'll be done, folks! Thanks so much to everyone who's read, commented, etc!

Rista spent the day asleep in Kel’s bed. Kel would have liked to spend the time with her, but she had several classes to teach, a work rotation, and a sheaf of memos to attend to. She took lunch back with her and poked Rista awake to eat. 

When Kel returned with dinner after a brief meeting with Merrick she found Rista awake, sprawled with one of the books of poetry across Kel’s bed in one of Kel’s most comfortable tunics. Kel froze in the doorway, entranced.

“I forgot how many of these aren’t in Common,” Rista said with a cheeky grin. Her legs were just so long. “Maybe I’ll have to translate for you. If you’re interested.”

Kel was interested. Very interested.

They ate on Kel’s bed like it was a picnic. Rista was awake but pleasantly lazy feeling still. He knee got tired if she stood too long—Kel was not happy to hear that she’d been testing this—but was otherwise fine. “By tomorrow I’ll be dancing again,” Rista predicted.

“You dance?” asked Kel.

“I dance very well,” Rista said. “Do you doubt it, Lady? I’ll take you dancing if we ever make it out of this Northern wasteland and back to Corus. I know a pub that’s a good place to take a girl out for the evening. If you want, I mean.”

Kel had no idea such establishments existed in Corus. “That sounds, uh, very nice,” she managed to get out.

Rista grinned. “And of course, I’ve got a reason to dance right now—the Lady Knight kissed me!”

“Kel kissed you,” Kel corrected. “It’s creepy if you describe me as your boss in relation to the kissing.” She made a face and Rista laughed. “Were you interested in more kissing?” Kel asked as nonchalantly as possible.

Rista looked relieved at Kel’s question. “Yes!” she said immediately. “I’m interested in more kissing and dinners and reading of poetry, and maybe acting out of poetry.” Kel felt her face heat, and it wasn’t just with embarrassment. 

“Good,” Kel responded lamely. “That sounds very good.”

The only redeeming factor was that Rista looked nearly as hopeful and embarrassed as Kel felt.

:~:~:

Rista went to her own room in the barracks that night and when she met Kel for glaive practice the next morning she moved as if her leg had never been injured. 

They had no classes, watches, or meals together for the rest of the day, but when Kel set out for a walk after her own dinner, she found Rista waiting for her outside the barracks, leaning against a wall like she had all the time in the world. 

“Hallo, soldier,” Kel said with a happy smile. She’d spent her childhood mastering her emotions and her adolescence mastering her body, but it all turned to naught when Rista looked at her like that.

“Going my way, Lady?” Rista asked. She pushed herself off the wall and ambled over to the path. Kel fell into step with her.

They walked slowly around the camp, pausing to talk to civilians who approached. In between, they shared stories of their childhoods and families. Rista had never been to the Yamani Islands and was fascinated by them. Kel was in the middle of a story about the time she, Shinko, and Yuki had very narrowly avoided getting in trouble for stealing an entire tray of cakes meant for a moon celebration when she was suddenly surrounded by sparrows.

“Attack?” Rista asked tersely. She could understand the sparrows as well as anyone when they were calm, but only Kel could when they were in a frenzy like this.

“Trouble, but no enemies,” Kel muttered. “A mean friend, and angry friend, and a hurt friend? But not hurt,” the birds were trying to communicate concepts beyond their system of signs. “That’s the best I can get from them. Where?” she asked the birds directly. They took off toward the stocks.

“Oh, this should end in smiles,” Rista said grimly as they made their way rapidly there. Before long, Kel could hear the trouble.

“Filth! An affront to the gods, the pair of you! Someday the Black God will take you to a nasty surprise and you’ll get yours!” shouted Torgen, one of Rista’s lower-ranking men. He looked rather worse for the wear, though the angry redness of his face was obscuring some of the coloring from his bruises.

“Good to know your Sir Neal can follow some orders,” Rista said, eyeing those bruises.

Halden had his arm’s wrapped around Tobe’s, clearly holding the younger boy back from Torgen’s reach. Or perhaps from being able to reach Torgen. Tobe was a mess—someone had gotten stew all over his tunic and he was so angry he was crying a bit.

“Shut your trap, you hateful coot!” Tobe bellowed.

“Mithros will strike you for your indecency!” 

“Enough!” Kel bellowed in her best command voice. “What is going on here?”

“Lady Knight! This camp is being overrun by godless savages, whores and bo—“ Kel cut him off with a slap across the face. 

“That’s enough. If you can’t speak without growing hysterical, you will be silent,” she ordered. “Tobe?”

“We was talking,” Tobe began, voice cracking twice. Her little old man swiped at his eyes angrily when Halden released his arms, then forged on, “after Halden finished his shift. I met him to talk and—“

Of course—civilian guards were the ones who brought food to the stocks on the rare occasions someone was in them. Halden must have been tasked with the job tonight.

“Talk!” Torgen spat on the ground, then shrank back from Kel’s glare. She wasn’t being impartial or professional and she didn’t give one whit about it.

“He heard us, or saw us, or…he started yelling and cussing us out. Halden tried to get him to be quiet, but he wouldn’t stop.”

“And why are you covered in stew?” Kel asked wearily.

“He threw it at us,” Halden finally spoke up. “I gave him a bit more room on his arms so he could eat, and when we came over to order him quiet, he threw it.”

“And he spat on Halden,” Tobe contributed.

“Are you both alright?” Kel asked. The boys nodded, though they looked rattled. “Well, that’s what matters. And as for Master Torgen—because he wasn’t a soldier anymore, and never would be again if she had any say in matters—you can stay here quietly and behave yourself, or you can stay here under guard until I take you to the Fort in chains.”

Torgen opened his mouth to argue, then shut it and clenched his jaw.

“Captain Rista, do you believe this man can listen to reason?” Kel asked. Rista cocked an eyebrow.

“A few days ago I would have said so, but a few days ago I wouldn’t have predicted him in here, Lady Knight.”

“Fair enough,” Kel agreed.

“You can’t listen to this bitch—“ Torgen sputtered.

“Guards it is,” Kel said. She’d never liked the concept of a whip, but she knew how to make her voice crack like one. Torgen and Halden both flinched. “Captain Rista, if you could select eight guards from Captain Breemer’s men and have them set up a watch rotation, then report to my quarters at the next bell. Tobe and Halden, let’s get cleaned up and fed. You boys did good work tonight.” She clapped Tobe on the back and smiled at Halden.

“They aren’t boys. They’re abominations,” Torgen asserted, staring straight at Kel. 

“Master Torgen, you speak like an educated man,” Kel mused aloud. “You’ve been schooled. You’ve been about in the world. Even if this hatred was something you were unlucky enough to grow up with, you have had ample opportunity to do something about it. So I must conclude that you’ve chosen your hatred. And that makes you a sad excuse for a man in my eyes.”

Kel looked down for a moment, drawing her best Yamani-Lump calm into herself. “These boys are not dirty because you have a warped idea of what the gods favor. These boys are good. They defend their home, they treat others well, and despite fools like you telling them all sorts of nightmare stories they are brave enough to care for each other. You are the coward. You are the affront. And I’ll be telling the priests of Mithros and the Goddess that if I hear another word out of you.”

Kel strode away, the boys and Rista in her wake.

“Well, that was forceful,” Rista said after they were out of Torgen’s earshot. “I’ve gone all tingly.”

Kel blushed and ducked her head. “He deserved it. More than.”

“No arguments from me,” promised Rista. “Well, I’m off to find the most burly, most Progressive soldiers I know to guard that toe-rag.” Rista winked and broke off to the left toward the barracks. 

“Lady, please stop flirting in front of me. It ain’t right,” Tobe groused as he picked bits of soup off his tunic.

Kel turned to make a face at him and ran right into Halden, who had stopped with a stunned look on his face.

“Oof—Halden! Are you alright?” Kel asked, laying a hand on the boy’s arm to keep him upright.

“Sorry, Lady Knight,” he replied. He’d grown more formal since Kel discovered him kissing her ward. She suspected he would fear her for a while longer. Perhaps even forever. “Tobe, you shouldn’t say things like that! Especially about the Lady Knight!”

“Why not?” Kel questioned. Halden talked a lot—though not much to her, lately—without ever saying all that much. She’d never get the boy calmed down for long if she never understood what he worried so about.

“Someone could hear!” he replied, a bit too loud from nerves. A scene developing would help none of them.

Kel steered then boys inside the headquarters building. When they were all in her little room, she shut the door firmly and sat on the bed, motioning the boys to sit at her desk and dressing chairs.

“Halden, why are you so worried for me?” Kel asked. “I understand tonight gave you a fright, but you seem more concerned for me than yourself.”

Halden rubbed his palm against his trouser legs. “You’ve more to lose, Lady,” he finally muttered without looking up. “I like it here, I do, Lady. But I could survive elsewhere. And you’d never let anything happen to Tobe. But if—if people thought you were a…if they thought you weren’t normal you could get in trouble. New Hope needs you, Lady.”

Kel pressed her lips together to hide a smile. In the midst of all his troubles, Halden was worried for her and for a whole camp’s worth of people who he was sure would hate him for liking boys. It was a good thing Kel wanted to like him, because she didn’t appear to be able to help it.

“There’s no laws against it, Halden,” she informed him gently, “And if public disapproval were enough to keep me from Crown appointed duties, I’d never have gotten my shield. That being said, there’s no need for me to be any more of a source of gossip around this place than I already am, so let’s all keep our comments to ourselves. Or at least make them quietly.” She made a face at Tobe, who rubbed his nose and looked contrite.

“Sorry, Lady.”

“And go change your shirt. You smell like three-day-old stew,” Kel chided to break the moment.

“Some of the army boys told me’n the cooks what Torgen did to Captain Rista. Nobody liked it much. He’s being fed fine, but he’s not getting the hottest or the freshest meals,” Halden confided.

Kel probably ought to have disapproved of that instead of chuckling.

**Author's Note:**

> More to come soon! I know it's starting out slow, but things will pick up pretty quickly.


End file.
